This job ad is so incredibly compelling that the author didn’t feel the need to provide their business name.
I am looking for someone who can code websites and has experience doing so.
As opposed to those who can code websites, but have never done so. You need to weed out those theoretical coders.
I will be looking to take you on as part of my company to help design web sites.
You will be… like some time in the future?
Please contact me back with info, name etc. and resume if possible
How about “name, resume, and contact info”? Maybe it’s a good idea to put five seconds of thought into what you want, instead of writing a list that makes no sense.
We are not looking to pay anyone amounts such as $50 per hour, as we simply cannot afford this.
Your unwillingness to pay well, and the admission that you don’t have much money is really a great selling point for this position. You should make sure that you’re really, really clear on how important it is to you that you don’t intend to pay much for this position.
Please only reply if you are open to reasonable payment amounts, nowhere near $50 per hour.
thank you for your interest
Do you love code more than life itself?
No. Nobody does.
Do you fancy yourself a Programming Knight - ready to fight the war against poor front end development?
I’m two sentences in, and they’ve managed to say exactly nothing while at the same time giving me the “no” feeling. Awesome start.
If you want to work in a boutique studio with a few like minded individuals and leave your stamp on projects for clients such as Madison Square Garden, Harley Davidson & top NHL teams…then keep reading.
That should have been the first sentence. It actually tells me things:
- They’re a boutique studio, so they’re probably a smaller company
- They have clients that I’ve heard of
- They’re not fully aware of how an ellipsis works
The chosen candidate will possess extensive knowledge and skills with HTML5, Java, PHP and some knowledge on database management and creation.
If you are as multidimensional as Arnold Schwarzenegger’s right bicep than we want to hear from you!
Possibly the most forced quirkiness ever. Oh, and it makes no sense, but hey, QUIRKY!
- Understand technical and functional design requirements
- Execute tasks and responsibilities with limited
I think they accidentally a word. At least they continue that they’re looking for someone “Meticulous & very detail oriented”, presumably so that they can take over writing the job ads.
- Design, code, and test technical solutions
- Identify system deficiencies and recommend solutions
- Recognize and effectively communicate when issues/events may affect deadlines/deliverables of a project
Why is this so opaque? You’re trying to sell my on why it would be enjoyable, and fulfilling to work for you. Does “understand[ing] technical and functional design requirements” sound enjoyable and fulfilling? They’ve instantly switched gears from quirky and nonsensical to boring and bureaucratic. I’m starting to understand why the “fun” in the opening statement felt so forced.
- Highly self motivated
- Great when working in teams of 3-4
Why so specific? Is anyone great in teams of 3-4, but shit in teams of two or five?
- Meticulous & very detail oriented
Clearly the company has high standards. Look no further than this job ad.
- Able to multi-task
- An effective communicator
As judged by the author of this posting? Awesome.
- Interactive Usability wiz
I am Interactive Usability wiz!? There are just so many things wrong with that bullet. I don’t even know where to begin.
- Interested in attaining knowledge/expertise in other emerging technologies.
- BA in Computer Science or other equivalent
A Bachelor of Arts in Computer Science. I guess if you need a degree for a job that really shouldn’t require a degree, it might as well be a non-existent one.
- Minimum 3 years HTML/CSS Experience
- Minimum 5 years Java Experience
Oh man… maybe they really do require Java. If so, why call the position “Intermediate Front End Developer”? Unless their front end is written in Swing or something insane like that. I still have to assume the author just doesn’t know the difference.
- Minimum 5 years PHP Experience
Okay. Whoever wrote this, go back up to the top. Change the job title from “Intermediate Front End Developer” to “Intermediate Developer”. Then we can be friends again.
- You have challenged other developers to a duel over web standards disputes
Hey, the super awkward quirkiness is back!
- True Lies is your favourite movie
What’s with all of the Arnold?
- You can eat obscene amounts of sushi
- Young talented web-and-interactive-awesome-app-developing ninjas!
- An award winning team (Applied Arts Magazine, Communication Arts Magazine & FWA)
- A group of people who love nothing more than to high five over well executed projects
But I thought you loved code! Which is it, code or high fives? Either way, I’m totally ready to die for one of them.
- Synchronized swimmers
Ugh. Unless they’re literally synchronized swimmers, in which case ugh.